Do a quick Google search on “people pleaser” and this definition from Psychology Today immediately pops up: “one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say no”. I’m not sure about you, but for the majority of my life this is the “bucket” I would place myself in. Today, I’m trying very hard not to be a people pleaser, which to me means simplifying my schedule and being able to say no to things (in a nice way, of course!).
Going back to a few years ago, Travis and I had just moved in together and were trying to balance time with both of our families and friends. He started to notice that I was over-scheduling myself- saying yes to everything- which then caused me to be stressed out and short on patience at home. I think I had always realized that this happened, but never thought about how I could change things.
Gradually I started to become more mindful of when I had too much on my schedule. However, I still felt like I needed someone’s approval to say no to things. And I was finding it extremely difficult (and still do sometimes) to find the right words when saying no to something.
A couple years later, after being able to say no to some things and realizing that the world wouldn’t end, I feel like I am in a better place with simplifying my schedule. I have come to realize as well that I need to schedule in some down time so that I can relax and recharge before moving onto the next thing. Below are some things that I try to keep in mind when making plans, or saying no to things:
- Make time for yourself a priority. Whether it’s blocking out a weekend in between trips to relax, or just a night where you do something for yourself like reading a book or taking a bubble bath. Here is a great list of 51 self care ideas by Cassie from Wholefully to get you started!
- You can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. This has been a tough one for me to remember and be okay with, but the more I work on accepting this fact the easier it gets to say no to things.
- Saying no to something can be as simple as saying “I would love to, but I can’t make it tonight”. You don’t always need to give people a reason for why you can’t do something.
- People understand. From the outside it may seem like the majority of people are saying yes to everything and actually enjoy having a busy schedule. However I am finding more and more that this isn’t true, and others will totally relate when you decline something because you need some down time.
By simplifying my schedule I’ve been able to create more time for self-care, more lazy days with Travis and our cat, and more time to spend on hobbies. And when it is time for the next thing on our schedule, I feel well rested and less stressed.
What are some things that you do to help yourself rest and recharge? Leave me a comment below!
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